I Waited My Whole Life For you

may1

There really is no way to fully prepare for everything that comes with pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood.  You can read books, you can drive yourself crazy asking Dr. Google for the answers to the endless questions you will inevitably have (guilty), you can listen to all the scary, gory stories your friends and family will have about their own experiences… the wealth of information available is pretty amazing but ultimately the experience is completely your own.  Unique to you, your body and your baby.  Tell that to a hormonal pregnant chick who just. wants. answers. and needs. to. plan.

 

I was not into taking risks with my pregnancy, I wanted to take all precautions and bordered on OCD.  But when it came to planning the delivery room situation, I was relaxed and unconcerned.  I was a walking contradiction, worried about so many other things throughout the pregnancy yet I felt no fear when anticipating the birth itself.  I felt strangely at peace with the idea that my mind and body would be able to handle what was to come.  I decided I wanted to attempt to go without any medications, I liked the idea that my body be in it's natural state (plus, learning about the process of inserting the epidural needle made me more squeamish).  An unmedicated birth is not for the faint of heart and I ultimately just wanted what was safest for me and the baby, whatever that may end up being.  Living far from family support, we thought it be best to hire a doula and Doris Ann McMurray came highly recommended.  Years of experience and a fierce commitment to her work and her faith, I had complete confidence and trust in her ability to help me achieve my goal and be the extra layer of comfort both Glen and I would need in the delivery room.  With her assistance, I was able to determine my level of commitment to going unmedicated and I began to mentally and emotionally prepare though reading and meditation.  I wanted to accept things as they came and find peace in whatever may occur.  I felt ready.  As we neared the 9 month marker my doctor was convinced that I was the abnormal and rare first time mom that would likely give birth before the due date.  And so, with all the preparation and planning in place, we all waited anxiously for that day…

 

In the early morning hours of May 1st, 2016 at exactly 39 weeks, our baby decided she was ready to rush into the world.  Only minutes after arriving at the hospital it was clear things were moving quickly and there was no time for any medication… my wish granted in the most dramatic way.  It was time.  I was scared but for the sake of our baby's well being I needed to find a way to channel my fear and find peace and focus.  With Glen and our doula by my side holding my hands, I closed my eyes, promised myself everything would be okay and in the midst of chaos I managed to find my center.  A few minutes later at 8:26am, 45 minutes after arriving at the hospital and a total of 5 hours of labor, our little Kaia Naomi was born.  I will never forget the way my heart swelled the moment I touched her for the first time.  9 months of dreaming of her, praying for her, she was finally in my arms.  A moment I waited my whole life for.  Our little miracle.  There aren’t enough words to describe all the feelings.  A day imprinted in my heart forever.

 

**We will forever be grateful for our incredible doula Doris Ann.  She was our source of knowledge and support when we needed it and my “mama” while mine couldn’t be close.  Her ability to move me through the pain is an experience I hope to never forget should I be in the same situation again.  We were in a state of shock in the delivery room and she was our comfort, reassurance and brains.  Truly, she was an angel.