Outside The Shell

Nirai

It has been 2 years since I last visited this creative outlet of mine.  It’s strange to think about where I was in life the last time I wrote, or even invested an ounce of time into my art.  A 2 year writers and creative break while I tried to sort through all the major life changes we endured and channeled my energy into other priorities.  But I believe this new chapter deserves its place in the flow of my artistic space.  I have needed my outlet and so many times I tried coming back as the wheels never stopped turning, to say what’s on my mind, to pick up the camera and share vision, but I simply couldn’t find the words and my vision has been a bit blurry.  Balancing the ups and downs of the last few years has proven to be more difficult than I imagined it would be and I’ve found myself living in my own head rather than harnessing the energy to create.  But I’m aware that hanging onto the feelings and allowing myself to drown in them rather than find my outlet again is only going to further hold me back.  I want to revisit my vulnerability and find strength in the process, rather than fear taking the risk.  So here I am, giving it a go once more.  I’m still unsure of exactly what direction I’m moving in but I suppose that’s the beauty of just letting go and just moving to the beat, the never ending process of learning to just “be”.  Although I don’t move about as freely these days, I hope to continue capturing and sharing my life, our travels and adventures, discovering muses, musing again when opportunity presents itself and revisiting the stories I left unfinished through this humble space I so lovingly created a few years ago; evolving my vision of living a creative life into something I can live and breathe again.  Hopefully, some of you will join me again.  Those of you who have stayed with me in all this time, thank you.

 

So where am I at the moment?  Last time I was here I was a traveling, nomadic artist and leisure photographer, wandering around in pursuit of self growth, artistic opportunity, human connection and mind expansion… and since then I added full time mama to the resume.  Babies are quite the game changer, to say the least.  We moved to yet another overseas destination, this time living on the island of Okinawa, Japan (more on that another time) and have been slowly starting our Asia explorations.  Our little Kaia is turning ONE in 7 days and lately I’ve been a constant state of reflection.  Of her first year of life, of my pregnancy, of the few years leading up to her birth.  It’s so much to think about all at once.  But our first born changes by the minute and reminds me every single day how quickly each moment passes.  It’s impossible not to let the mind wander back into all the various lifetimes it took to reach this momentous occasion. 

 

This week, I choose to begin this diving back into things by taking the time to reflect, remember, feel and embrace it all, to celebrate it all.  And let all the emotions I’m feeling about my little baby growing up and the new space I am living in move me to get creative again, today and beyond.  And of course, forgive myself on the days I need to just go back to living in my shell.